Okay, this is about The City Desk- move along if this is old.

New today, Friday Facts: Green, BLT

( Is it done? Ah, who the hell knows? )

You have not learned much this week. I have asked around.

You should learn more before the week is through.

At The City Desk (go!), learn more (quickly!) before Saturday arrives (soon!)-

Friday Facts: Leftover Cod, Pauline, Selleck-san

Misters Andrews, Brockie, Church and Morris answer the following:
- What they are doing with that leftover fish?
- Where is the steel from?
- Where is that fearful lizard bone from?
- Why did the fire trucks have moustaches?
- More (much more!). This is not a question, I know. I apologize.

I have a meeting. You are on your own. It will be okay, don't worry.

Try whistling.

Today, at The City Desk: Mr. Craig Gaines brings us the tale of



Involving the following-
:: Ill-defined air rights in the city.
:: An auto salesman's spurned plan for hot air balloons.
:: A subsequent claim to part ownership of the entire universe, due to said ill-defined air rights.
:: Suing NASA.
:: "Intergalactic baliwick."
:: Insanity.

Please- do read this, as it is very interesting and rather strange. If you care for it a great deal, pass the link along, won't you?

Hello, internet. I have a question.

This thing here is just about a half-year old. That's six months of roughly three-a-week updates, a lot of material. On a daily basis, I think about how to get it in front of more people. Because, really, these folks have been doing an incredible job, every man and lady jack of them. They deserve to have their material seen by tons of people, because they're all extremely talented and have made this little fake city dog-and-pony show into something far better than I ever conceived at the outset.

Seriously, I think if folks could just get over there and see what they have all been doing, this thing would take off like gangbusters. The problem? I don't know where else out there to throw the link. I've gotten a couple of bites here and there- but self-promotion has never been my strong suit. Also- I'm not exactly sure how to classify this whole thing- it doesn't exactly fit with city-based weblogs or travel, real estate, etc. I suppose maybe in the fiction category, but there aren't enough short stories, poetry or science fiction. Actually, on that note- the fictionalized history doesn't fit either, as there are no pieces about Hitler being involved in the Civil War driving a Dodge Ram or something like that. I suppose humor, though I don't post enough YouTube videos of hockey fights for that.

It's strange- this is a weird little hybrid fake lie weblog and I'm not sure where I should be pitching the deal. I genuinely think this is a very, very good idea and that everyone involved has been doing incredible work for it- I just want the world to see and enjoy what you livejournal folks have since October.

So, I suppose what I'm asking for is advice- those of you who have undergone similar endeavors (ex: Mr. Pierce and The High Hat)- how do you get the word out? What sites have you folks visited lately to whom this would be worth sending an informative e-mail? Should I "cold-email" well-known writers whose work I enjoy to see if they'd like to contribute?

What do you kids think?

I am home today, sick.

Nevertheless, there is still a new piece @ The City Desk:
A new edition of Oh, You Never Knew It!, by C. Gaines, L. Lent and B. Grossblatt.

There used to be a moat around much of the city.

Cats chase people.

A cake was ruined.

Have a good afternoon.

What, are you taking it all in?

Stop standing there and staring- New @ The City Desk:
Friday Facts: Eggs, Monodirevr, Stripper Parkas

Guys by the names of Andrews, Church, Jones and Morris learn you up real good about stripper jackets, easter egg hunts, eating bugs and people what punch other people in fast-food bird costumes. Also, apples.

I am listening to this today at somafm.com, which is awesome.

Hey! You've heard about the new weekly feature at The City Desk, "What a Character!" right? No? I truly pity you.

But not for long, as the newest installment is up, The Spaghetti Giant, by Mr. J. Morris (calamityjon).

It is, as you have sharply guessed, about a Spaghetti Giant. Not a giant made of spaghetti, no, but one who, for many years, would entice diners to try some of the best Italian food the City had to offer.

Of course, there is a reproduction from one of the restaurant's ads. In its prime, the Spaghetti Giant was truly a sight to behold, let me tell you. But clicking on the aforeoffered (I think I just made that word up, someone check on that, will you?) link is much better than me telling.

My voice bothers me sometimes, you see.

The City Desk is back with a new update- The Orphan’s Liver, which is pretty self-explanitory, I think.

It is about an Orphan's Liver and a reporter. You needn't know more before clicking the link and doing some reading on your own.

SPECIAL BONUS CONTENT FOR LIVEJOURNAL USERS: Mayor Orson Winthrop wasn't a mayor. "Mayor" was his first name. Same with Dame Winifred Carson.

This is not mentioned in the piece. It is only for you.

This whole thing came from listening to a story on NPR's On the Media this weekend about awareness weeks for diseases and how they're often ignored by reporters. Then I started thinking about some liver memorial. Then orphans. Then an orphan. Then this thing, here. So there you go. Also, a little bit from seeing Billy Wilder's incredibly cynical The Big Carnival (aka Ace in the Hole) on TCM on Saturday.

Coming on Wednesday: A wonderful new feature by Mr. Jon Morris (calamityjon).

I ADVISE YOU: Do not bother wearing socks that day.

New @ The City Desk - DeedlesCon 2007, by calamityjon.

A not-quite-forgotten classic comic strip gets a bit of recognition.

Seriously, the telegram from Charles Schulz is one of my favorite things on this shambling excuse for a weblog, ever.

From now on, I'll largely be working on these things at a desk next to a window that overlooks the shingled and vinyl-sided backs of rowhouses, as far as the eye can see. A sea of concrete-walled tiny yards, roofs with tar buckets and the odd anachronistic tele-vision antenna here and there. It should be fun.

Hey, hey, hey, Happy Wednesday.

New @ The City Desk- Oh, You Never Knew It!, which is the brand spanking new name for the feature formerly known as "Briefs." Thanks to new contributor Ben Grossblatt and his wonderful over the transom submissions of the last couple of weeks, we have this new name which smaks of a nice oldness, I think.

Also- this is a bit of something I want to try- a schedule, of sorts:
Mondays - Longer pieces
Wednesdays - Oh, You Never Knew It!
Fridays - Friday Facts

Of course, this is all subject to change and whim and whatnot and you probably do not really give a care, but I do not give a care about your lack of giving and/or caring.

So, how's by you?

Bayou.

Epic. That is the theme of today's entry @ The City Desk- When the Moving Pictures Came to Town, by Mr. Matt Vermeulen (vermeu10). It's a tale of the early days of the film industry, after it left New York and before it headed west. Epic movies, epic scale, epic mini golf and epic pizza. Epic. Epic. Epic.

Read it. It is something.

Something... what's the word I'm looking for, here? Hmm...

Ah! It is something epic.

Also, the referrer logs show that people from the company that produces Perplex City have taken a bunch of looks around The City Desk. Maybe we can have a fake city fight or something.

New @ The City Desk: Friday Facts: It's a type of purple

It will be over 70 degress here tomorrow. In January. What the heck?

Yesterday, The City Desk had a link from a fellow calling himself "unclebear," who primarily blogs about role-playing games:

I think this is a goldmine for any modern-era game, because there's so much background that can be dropped into stories for verisimilitude.

That is not an application that I would ever have thought of in a million years. Good luck roleplaying around the exciting saga of the newspaper club and failed public transit concepts.

I'm genuinely curious- I'm not up on the role-playing. How the heck would dry fake city stories be used for something like that?

And, to end things for the year @ The City Desk: Friday Facts: He did not stumble while he was here

So, there you go- I've somehow managed to keep this thing going through the end of the year, which surprises the hell out of me, to tell you the truth. Will it last through 2007? Who the heck knows?

Yes, we're heading into the home stretch, now, so new @ The City Desk, it's More items about Christmastime in the City: E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial video games, a dead mall Santa, an angry television network and a giant flaming ear of corn.

Truly, the spirit of the holidays is upon this fine (fake) City.

New! At! The! City! Desk! Christmastime in the City, by Leonard Pierce, of the Long Island Pierces. Also, of livejournal's ludickid.

The idea of the baseball game has to be one of my favorite jokes in this here thing so far. I mean, I'd go see that, if it were real. I'd put on the coat, hat, scarf, gloves, boots and thermos with whiskey and coffee and see that damn game. Seriously. Laura would not go, because she gets cold.

Also, I'm happy that there is now a Kissinger High School in this fake weird city.

As always, correspondence is welcomed- thecitydesk@gmail.com. You see, correspondence hopefully equals content.

Hey, also- I made up this mix cd for people here in my department yesterday. Here is the cover and track listing-( this is an lj cut. )

New @ The City Desk: Matt Vermeulen (vermeu10) brings us the story of The Underground Winter Zoo.

If you've always wondered what zoos do with animals when the weather gets too harsh, here is something that this city tried long ago. It is not necessarily a good idea, though to try with your zoo. But, people did things differently back then. In this fake city. So, it's a fake back then. In the fake 1930s. Fake.

Let me add- The City Desk is always open to questions and correspondence, which will be answered right there on the darn site. Just send them along to thecitydesk@gmail.com. I'm saying this here, because the readership pretty much consists of 10-20 people from livejournal, so I probably just should have made it a community on here or something. But it wouldn't have been the same, you know?

Oh- and one of the best paragraphs I've ever read in a news article, from the Inquirer's coverage of the Philadelphia City Hall tree lighting (which was real):

"Moron!" shouted a traffic officer as people tried to cross against traffic to get from the white-lighted City Hall tree to the multicolored tree at JFK Plaza, where the singing reindeer in dresses had moved.

New @ The City Desk: The Survivor- This Year’s Holiday Fest Tree.

In the pipeline, I have other holiday material from Mr. Leonard Pierce and Mr. David Andrews. Also, you'll find out where those Chinese takeout photos come from and about the great jukebox wars of 2000. Unless, of course, I don't write them. Which is entirely possible.

Then you'll wonder, wonder, wonder what might have been. And then start your own weblog about a fake city to answer those nagging questions no one is asking. Then you'll see. You'll see plenty. Then we'll laaaaugh about that time. Remember? Yeah, that was pretty funny. After that, an awkward silence and I'll head home, wondering if I shouldn't have asked about taking home the beer that I brought but didn't drink.

There was an awkward silence after that, too, but a bit angrier.

No one is at work to read this today, but who cares?

New @ The City Desk: Thanksgiving and the night before, featuring an unknown YouTube user's home video of their Thanksgiving in 1985 and a list of which bars end up with alumni from which of the city's high schools.

New @ The City Desk: Why it is called 'Black Friday'

I mean, I've always wondered. It's more interesting than explaining why it's called 'Buy Nothing Day.'*

*Hint: Pay eight dollars for an issue of Adbusters at Whole Foods to find out!

New @ The City Desk: How would you like your dog? It's Thanksgiving week, so why not start off wondering about the City's favorite ways to prepare weiners.

Har-har, I said "Weiners."

SPOILER WARNING: There is a very strained pun which I tried excusing by calling explicit attention to it, but I'm still not so sure.

TOO LATE, CHUMP, IT IS UP ON THE INTERNET NOW. YOUR LOUSY PUN FATE IS SEALED. WAY TO GO, MAN. SHEESH.

Also, my foot hurts and I am sleepy.

UPDATE: Someone found The City Desk by googling "The night Henry Ford met Santa," which apparently is a new children's book about Santa Claus inspiring Henry Ford to create the assembly line. And Ford teaches Santa to be viciously, viciously anti-Semitic.

New @ The City Desk: Friday Facts: Turkey, Lights, Abzug, also featuring the work of Mr. Chris Messick (revcmoney) and Mrs. Laura Dinkins-White (faeryhead).

Also- happy birthday to Mr. Brodie Hawkins clockworkmonkey Brockie today.

And congratulations to Mr. Steven P. zenithberwyn Huey, who had a fun role on last evening's "My Name Is Earl," even sharing a scene with Christian Slater.

Not to mention, a shout out to Susan Cooper, whose book, The Grey King, was awarded the Newbery Medal in 1977. Way to go, Susan.

New @ The City Desk: Friday Facts: Diebold, Orange Julius, Farley, with several items from Mr. Chris Messick.

Thanks to everyone who's been reading this weird thing for the last four weeks or so. I appreciate it and still need to figure out where it's going/how to get it out there more. But, it's been rather fun so far.

Well, as much fun as writing up fake stuff about a fake city can be. Which, for me, sadly, is quite a bit.

UPDATE: Hey, I just remembered that the Simpsons did a Funky Winkerbean parade balloon joke years ago. Idiot.

New @ The City Desk: People Around Town, by contributor Mickie "tawdryjones" Cathers.

Also, someone has combined Fight Club and Dennis the Menace to rather humorous effect.

New @ The City Desk: The Day After

It is not about Flounder from "Animal House" dying in a nuclear war.

I also welcome any and all questions about this fake city, directed to thecitydesk-at-gmail.com.

New @ The City Desk: Briefs: Election Day!

UPDATE: There was no mysterious Howard Stern on my non-satellite radio this morning. Only NPR.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

New @ The City Desk: Origins of Baxter Park, by contributor Aaron (pirateman) Bleyaert.

Also, you should check out the Ludic Log's rundown of films by the Bizarro Coen Brothers.

That is all.

New @ The City Desk: Trick-Or-Treat

A dark time in the city's history. Also, popular Halloween costumes.

New @ The City Desk: The Main Avenue Tramway

This one kind of sort of happened here, but also happened in many, many, many cities across the country. Hey! Suburban malls are killing us! Let's block off a few streets and call them malls! Brilliant!

No. Cities are cities. Malls are malls. Both can learn from and adapt some aspects of the other, but you can't just force one into being what it isn't.

silent, thoughtful pause

Just like people.

(Hey, I totally made that poignant! Look at me! I'm going to write a poignant Mitch Albom book now! Shoot me!)

New @ The City Desk, a new semiregular (well, maybe, we'll see) feature: Creative Solutions in Dynamic Municipal Problen Solving

This one? Mostly real. Actually happened. The percentage I made up, but yeah, I mean, come on, right?

I will post other things here again, I promise. Until then...

New @ The City Desk: Briefs- Views, Novotny, Ex-Lax

I need to get this thing out there, more. It's weird, because I've never started a weblog from scratch. With livejournal, you don't really have to work to build an audience- you pretty much just throw stuff out there for your friends list- it's sort of built-in. With this, though, I'm not sure.

Another thing- I borrowed a copy of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City last evening and as I was playing I wondered if anyone had ever made a game like that (with the being able to run around, explore, interact with the environment, etc.) that was based around some 1930s hard-boiled detective. You know, where you have to go around a city, following clues, running down leads, etc. Kind of like a Raymond Chandler novel that you play. Because I'd really like to play that.